he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
