I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
