Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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