You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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