So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
