she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
