those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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