paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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