cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize