You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
