i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you would pick up someone in the library
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
