i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
