I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
