I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
