the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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