I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
