Who wears a wallet chain?!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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