Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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