You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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