Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize