Someone shit on the floor
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
