I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
