I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
