Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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