I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
