i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
