that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize