Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
