dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
