Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
