so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
