Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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