Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
