Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
