dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
