you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
