I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
