dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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