sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
