Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
