Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
