just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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