I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
