I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
