Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
