Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
