Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
