Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
