I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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