so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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