its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
