I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
