Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
