New low: just hacked my moms facebook
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
