I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
