my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
