Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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