He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
