I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize