Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
