Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
