sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
