I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
