She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
