hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
