Your tits are I can't wait for
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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