he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
