i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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