so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize