didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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