I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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