Don't you send me to vm
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
