I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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