just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
