More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
