i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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