grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
