so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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