I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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