thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
