Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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