Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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