He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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