Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
