it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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