dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
