Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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