Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
