Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
