He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
