the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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