I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
