i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
