Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
