I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
