i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
