I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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