Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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