I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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