Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
